garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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