How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Fuck appropriateness.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
