OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
