you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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