This is not my ceiling
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize