YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
