i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
