OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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