He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
