He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
