All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
