New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
