4 words: hood of his car
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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