the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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