Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
