Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
barbara walters just said penis...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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