That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
