I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
