Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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