I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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