Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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