i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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