She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
