My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
