You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
