hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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