If that was your dad, he is hot
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
