she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
