I could make wine with my vomit
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
