did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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