That's when you crack a 10am beer
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize