Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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