Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's rum buckets o'clock
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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