Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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