he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
