Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
