I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
