Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
