My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
