We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
