I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
