Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
