We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize