I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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