I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
