i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Randomize
