hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
