the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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