I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
