just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
