I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Sorry my hands just texted you
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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