We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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