well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
