We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I FOUND THE LEGS
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
