why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
