If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
