She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
