There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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