You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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