you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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