I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Randomize
