Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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