I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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