What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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