it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
