I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
it wasn't lemon gatorade
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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