another moral hangover. fuck.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
