Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
