It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
