I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
