he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
