I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
