I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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