I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
