My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
