i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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